So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
