How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
