You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
