conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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