My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How naked do you want me to be?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
