Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
