Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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