one might say we're banned from that church
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
im holly from the hills drunk
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
