I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
