his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
