He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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