ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
