If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
