i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
