She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize