I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
