If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
