So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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