if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
