Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
