what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
