I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
