My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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