the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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