Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
