It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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