my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
