i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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