He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
