He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
