I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Is it because I queefed?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
