normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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