Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize