With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
