He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
