ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
