I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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