i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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