you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
