The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I didn't notice because vodka
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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