i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
