I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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