Soap is not a condiment
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
