i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
