im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
