Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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