It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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