When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
