I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
