i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Little spoons don't ask big questions
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
