I accidentally had phone sex last night
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
