you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
this will be a night to untag.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
