Did you just see the Batmobile???
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
