just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize