she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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