You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
