I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just had sex bonerless
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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