I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
wow bdsm is so cute
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
