i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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