Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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