The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize