what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
