if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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