i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
