I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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