I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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