Already got asked if we're dating
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
