yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
