fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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