We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
