lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
