i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just tell him i said nine months
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
