i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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