Taylor Swift is so right about you.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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