Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize