How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize