Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
