3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
please don't ironically join a cult
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