Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize