I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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