Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize