I wish they made helmets for livers.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
