i already hear my dad disowning me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
