he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
