So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
