i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
