Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
