So drunk its hurt
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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