If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
