You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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