I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
