End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
