What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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