Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
