you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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