i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
