I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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