My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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