these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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