So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
