Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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