I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
