I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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