Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
