Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
