what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
