He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
