If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
