my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
